Singleness is not “Settling”
When you’re not in a relationship, it can feel like your unattached state is a giant spotlight. It’s as if a huge neon, flashing sign that reads, “Singles Awareness Club”, is displayed directly over your head. Perhaps you have even started feeling resentful when Hallmark plays all of those romantic Christmas movies. Or you feel annoyed when stores fill with the soft pinks and reds of Valentine’s Day. Maybe you escape to social media only to find your timeline is filled with smiling couples, diamond rings, and pregnancy announcements.
Do you question why so many people you know are in relationships, engaged, or married while you’ve been in a committed relationship with your Netflix account?
Are you starting to wonder if you’ll ever find someone or if you’ll be alone forever?
1. Find your why
News flash: Your single circumstances needn’t signal that you’re “settling”. Let go of that idea by assigning purpose to this season of your life. Channel your thoughts and energy into why you’re single.
Are you committed to your career right now? Are you still healing from a previous breakup? Find your reason for being single, and then work on those feelings to prep yourself for your next relationship when you’re ready.
2. Lean on friends and family
Relationships don’t always have to mean romance. Reach out to your friends and family for support often. Go to dinner with your family, go to a movie with a friend, or grab a drink with a co-worker. This will help you stay connected and stop yourself from overthinking.
3. Take it one day at a time
Chances are you’re not psychic, which means you can’t read the future. This also means that cannot possibly know if you’re going to be alone forever. When you’re anxious, it’s easy to imagine yourself still single five or ten years down the road. Try to stay present and focus on what you can control instead of worrying about what you can’t.
4. Don’t compare yourself
An engagement or marriage can feel like a milestone you need to hit. Every year it doesn’t happen may make you feel like you’re behind in life. Comparison can take a real toll on your self-esteem and mood over time.
If it seems your friends, family, and co-workers, are happier than you, challenge your thinking. Pay close attention to your self-talk and your social media use. Remove all of those Save-the-Date wedding announcements hanging on your fridge. Your path is your own, not a competition.
5. Focus on things that make you happy
You may be single because you’re focusing on yourself, which is great! Why not take the time to direct that focus on things that make you happy while you’re at it?
If you really enjoyed playing a sport in high school or college, it may be time to find an intramural team. If you have a goal to try new things, research some fun activities or restaurants in your area, and start crossing things off of that to-do list! Maybe you decide that you need a vacation, so you book a trip somewhere for a little R&R. Who knows who you’ll meet along the way?
If you are self-aware and intentional, Bbeing single is the furthest thing from settling for life alone. Singleness doesn’t mean that no one wants you or that you’re going to be alone forever. It means that you’re taking the necessary time to focus on your wants, your needs, and your goals. You know that they say, you have to fully love yourself before you can begin to love someone else.
If you need support, individual counselling can be a valuable step in living the life you want. Please reach out for safe and confidential consultation soon.
